Isn't this such an interesting question?! I was born and raised in the UK but my mum did her absolute hardest to make sure we, my sisters and I, knew our roots and culture. Little things like Bharathanatiyam every Monday, Tamil school every Saturday and Carnatic Music every Sunday (FYI, this is very normal for most Tamil kids). As well as growing up with a (very) religious grandma, shaped my views on what it meant to be Tamil. It was only as I grew up and went to secondary school/university that I realised what I thought was ‘Tamil’, was not the same as what others defined as ‘Tamil’.
As my knowledge on the Tamil genocide grew, my views altered slightly. Being Tamil was quite simply in my blood because that is my heritage. However, I met many people who denied my identity. Some of the remarks being:
‘You can’t speak Tamil properly, you’re not Tamil’
‘You’re a coconut’
‘You’re so white’
‘Tamil children born in this country are just confused’
Also FYI, these were only comments I got in the UK. When I went to Tamil Eelam to visit my relatives they were all actually amazed I could speak Tamil, that I knew traditions and understood culture. Amusingly, I’ve always felt excluded from my own community and I always thought it was just me but I read a blog post (linked here) and was somewhat relieved that it wasn’t just me that was an outcast. Anyway this post is not supposed to be a rant or sob story.
 |
| Here's a random picture of me from my recent self-portrait shoot, I look slightly crazy :) |
Despite the negativity, I actually went on to learn more about my heritage and made attempts to interact with the Tamil community. Personally, I’m also very interested in my religion courtesy of my grandma, who made all the stories interesting. What threw me was that to me being Tamil, meant knowing how to sing various different religious songs, being able to read and write in Tamil but all the people who told me I wasn't Tamil enough...couldn’t read Tamil, didn’t know any songs, had no interest in religion. So what does being Tamil actually constitute? You can see why I was having an identity crisis.
This begs the question, ‘what does being Tamil mean to you?’ The bottom line is that all of us are Tamil despite where we were born, how well we speak/read Tamil, how much we interact with the Tamil community, how much Tamil food we eat, how well we tolerate our spices...the list could go on. Our definitions of being Tamil just vary - a result of growing up in different countries amongst other cultures. I think it’s pretty cool to be aware of and appreciate different cultures but we as individuals will pick what we like and what we don’t like and adapt.
Being able to identify as Tamil allows me to belong to a vibrant community filled with people of different potentials and talents. The sense of belonging is warm. Obviously with my experiences the sense of belonging was not always there but the idea was has always been nice. There are lots of people out there who are like you, and as you discover yourself, you attract people who like you for you or people who are like you. You start belonging to a community of like minded individuals and you appreciate your culture and people more. It’s just hard to find people like you because you have to find yourself first and that is so difficult. Especially when you grow up with people constantly denying your identity but a small reminder: your identity belongs to you.
And that concludes my thoughts for today. Thank you for reading :).
No comments
Post a Comment